He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Im part way to drunk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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