is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
