dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
