So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
