she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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