that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize