i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
