): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
