I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
