Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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