I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
