Tell her she can't have a vagina
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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