Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
