brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
