When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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