Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
