Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize