Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
