She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
