I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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