How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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