Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
