wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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