she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
