i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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