dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
