he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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