What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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