Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
