Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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