is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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