So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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