god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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