i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
