I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need a beard to bite.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
