I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
