Betty ford says i'm here all night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
