she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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