If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
