Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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