Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
