I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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