Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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