i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
