From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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