The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize