I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
