there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
