I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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