Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
