i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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