I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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