his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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