He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
