Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
