Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
