I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
