Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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