I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
