every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
