i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
