Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My life is pants optional.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
