seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
