Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
