You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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