I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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