I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
