thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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