he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize