Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize