i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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