my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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