I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
