We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
