I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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