My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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