I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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