my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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