At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
