I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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