Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
