I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
