Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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