She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
