if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
