Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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