she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
