I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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