You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
