there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
