Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
