Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
