Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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