Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
