I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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