i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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