I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
