You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
