I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
