someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
