my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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