Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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