My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The maid of honor just puked.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
